Retrospective on CSUN: Fall 2009

"When I look back upon my life, its always with a sense of shame." This lyric was sung by the Pet Shop Boys in their song, "It's A Sin" (which also happens to be one of my favourite synthpop songs to). I love this lyric because it fully encapsulates what happens to us as we reminisce: we live with regrets. This happens to me all the time. I regret not trying out for the baseball team freshman year of high school (which gets me angry because my dad was right), I regret not trying hard on the SATs or joining clubs in high school, I regret not moving away for college.

However, looking back at these past three years at CSUN, I really have no regrets. I do wish I had gotten closer to people at CSUN or made some more friends in my classes, but in reality, I don't really regret those things that much. My years at CSUN are coming to an end and I can honestly say if I had to redo everything, I would do things exactly the same.

I must say, I do have a minor inferiority complex stemming from going to CSUN. I do feel lesser than my peers at USC or UCLA for some bizarre reason. But, as I was discussing being upset about denial from those schools for undergraduate studies with my mom, she enlightened me to why those it was important that this happened. This thought never occurred to me. The Lord needed to humble me. Anyone who knew me in high school could describe me in one word: arrogant. The Lord needed me to be humbled so I could seek Him. I knew the Lord needed me at CSUN (more on that later), and I was planning on going to CSUN anyways, but to deny me from those schools was important in the Lord's plan. It was also important to me because it did open up my eyes that GPA wouldn't be the end-all be all of my worth. To go to law school, I actually had to build up a resume. I could say that occurred during my three years here. Here is the story of the beginning of that growth.

I was going to type up my entire experience in one post, but that was getting to be too long, so I decided to break it up. This post will cover the highlights of my opening semester in the Fall of 2009.

It was the Fall of 2009. I was freshly graduated from Academy of the Canyons Middle College High School. I was a business management major at the time (I would end up switching to political science in April 2010). I had a core group of friends, known as the Kanadian Koture Kids, who were basically brothers to me that were all going away. (It truly is a miracle that I am still brothers with those guys after all of these years.) I was looking for a new brotherhood. At Freshman Orientation, I basically signed up for every organization I could find (I even somehow wound up on the Black Student Association mailing list, despite being the most Caucasian man you will ever meet).

I was looking for fraternities, but I also was looking for Christian groups. In high school, I would say conservatively that my school was 90% Atheist and they were abrasive Atheists. I found myself more buying their arguments than able to counter them despite my faith. I even called the Bible, which at the time was a dust collector, a collection of some dude's letters. I knew I needed more of a foundation within the Lord.

At that freshman orientation, I met Josh Herman. He would prove to be the one who really brought me into the Church and moreso into Christ. We met at a Christian Students at CSUN booth and he happened to be from Santa Clarita too. His sister was actually applying to go into the high school I had just graduated from. I really think this is a key detail. A week later, after the thought of me joining a Christian group subsided, I saw him around campus and he said "Hey Cody!" I could not remember where I saw him and was greatly embarrassed. A week after that was Meet the Clubs week. I was with my brother and again Josh saw me at the table for Christian Students at CSUN. He told me about the dinner they were having that Friday night. I was up in the air about going, but then I remembered that he remembered my name. Being an identical twin, having a sense of identity is important to me, so when somebody remembers me as someone besides "Nick's brother", it means a lot to me. I had the thought "He had the respect to remember my name, I'll respect him enough to go to this stupid dinner thing." Me and my brother agreed to give it an hour or at least until they started talking about how our unbaptized souls were going to burn in hell. As I like to say, that hour has turned into three enjoyable years and counting for me in the church life, and there should be many more to come.

One of the situations that really reinforced that the Lord wanted me to join this Christian group was actually one night that contrasted with the fraternity I was rushing at the time (I will refrain from using the name only because the guys didn't screw me over and I really don't want to associate them with the negative tone I am about to use in this story). There was a party on a Friday night. There was a lot of kegging and beer pong going around. Lots of dirty dancing going on. I felt so out of place, being so straightedge. I'll never forget how dimly lit it was either. You couldn't see a thing. I left the party and went to a church meeting. I'll never forget it. The house, when I walked in, was brighter than the sun to me. It was a literal picture of me walking out of the darkness of the world and into the light of the Lord. I knew then where I needed to be.

Those are the main memories I have from nearly three years ago, but stayed tuned. I plan on finishing up my retrospective before my graduation on May 23rd.