Shyness

Wow! Tonight showed me just how shy I really am. It is so weird. I am not shy around saints at all. I really try to go and meet as many saints as possible, especially the college ones. I truly am trying to take the time to get to know brothers all across the country, and even an international brother. But when it comes to those outside the church life, I simply cannot bring up the courage to meet new people unless they take the time to try to get to know me. Even then, I am a shell of myself. I try to close myself off and respond to the people as tersely and concisely as possible, so as to avoid a major conversation.

Tonight, we were playing ultimate frisbee after the home meeting. I was having my usual embarrassing night (for those who know me, I am definitely academics over athletics). I had missed five catches that I could have and should have caught. Then two cars showed up and it seems like nobody knew who these people were coming up. The guys that came out were all these guys that looked like they were much more athletic than me and three girls who I swear were drunk on wine, not the waters of life. But the guys definitely had an air of being in a fraternity around them.

Instead of getting to know them, I immediately shut down. I even stopped trying to do well in the game. I stopped running and just walked. I didn't want any part of the action. I was too afraid of embarrassing myself in front of them. In front of the saints, I can embarrass myself with poor athletic play because we can all enjoy Christ together and I can brush off my lack of athleticism. With these guys, I had a standard to live up to that I knew I couldn't. I just wanted them to forget my existence.

This brings me to my big question. How am I supposed to save those in the world if I can't even reach out to them? Christ is above the world, yet He loved the world and reached out to the world. With this indwelling Christ, I should be able to overcome my shyness and reach out, but I still have trouble.

With every girl I come across randomly, my dad tells me that I should ask them out. Which is really weird because I've never met these girls. But there is no way I can just go up to a girl and flirt with her. That's just not the way I work. I like to get to know a girl before even considering going on a date or something. Of course its hard to get to know a girl because I am extremely shy around women. That's definitely something I'm going to figure out how to get over, but I just plain find it hard to connect to women without it being awkward. Basically, I'm Raj from "The Big Bang Theory", except I don't drink and I can at least talk if there's a girl in the room.

Another practical reason to overcome my shyness. I am planning on being a lawyer. How can I gain clients if I can't even talk to people? I'm going to lose my job very fast and be in crippling debt from law school.

So all said, I need to transfer my mindset when I am around the saints and really wanting to get to know them on a personal level and put that mindset when dealing with those in the world. Easier said than done.

Meetings and non-Meetings with Police

So I was at the home meeting with some of the saints enjoying that Christ is our victory over death and sin. However, I had to leave with Mario and Jesus because they needed to go home to take care of some brothers for a junior high conference in the Valley. So as we are leaving, apparently, the cops were called in on a noise call. I think there may have been a party or something but we happened to be walking out at the right time for the cops to think it was us. The cops approached us as we were walking to my car and ready to get into it. They asked where we were coming from.

"We are coming from that house for a church function." Jesus said.
"Oh what church was it?" The cop responded
"The Church of the Firstborn" Mario replied

At this point, I'm still nervous. Even though my future as a prosecutor and the fact that I never commit illegal activities suggest otherwise, I am always nervous around officers.

After Mario spoke, Jesus butted in "Yea. We were just singing praises to God. I don't think we were that loud."
"You were singing to God? Why didn't you call earlier? We would've joined in!" The officer exclaimed.
We were all amazed that the officers were believers. After some chatting, we learned that the officers prayed before every shift. We handed them the reading we were enjoying about Christ being the victor over death. The officer seemed to skim it with his flashlight and asked to keep it. We excitedly let him.

Two hours later, on my way home, I am stopped at a red light. I was just praying, thanking God that he was our victory. However, I turned away from my front view to grab a snack I had just purchased. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the light turn green. However, half way through the intersection I realized it was the left turn light that had turned green. Not my light. At that point, I had to finish my travels through the intersection, even though it was still red. I ran a red light. Already distressed over this, I look in my mirror. There was a police car on the opposite side of the light, facing the direction I was coming from. He was heading east while I was headed west. There was no way he missed my action. I was prepared to pull over for my mistake, so I pulled into a gas station and waited to see the sirens go off. However, the police car kept driving like nothing had happened. It was as if the Lord had cast a shield over me. Praise the Lord that I was not ticketed for my idiotic, braindead red light violation.

I'm graduating CSUN in May. At that time, I will see who I will talk to again and who will forget I ever existed, erased from their history. I remember when I graduated high school, we all did the "We are gonna talk and hang out all the time. Definitely." social ritual. I literally talk to one person from Academy of the Canyons on a regular basis. ONE. Out of my whole graduating And that contact is strictly online from someone I rarely talked to in high school. The rest of them, I, for the most part, could pass on the street and nothing would happen. Not even a cordial hello. I've actually forgotten who was in my graduating class. I've had best friends who had moved across the country that I haven't talked to since they moved.

The reason I bring this up is because I feel like I should prepare myself never to make contact with my CSUN friends again once I graduate. I've learned in this life that a lot of times, friends do come and go. Truth be told, and this is a brutal truth, but I feel like I never got too close to my CSUN friends. Sure I like them enough to be with them a lot. I know they like me too. They don't just tolerate me, but they do genuinely like me. But, I always got the distinct feeling from them that as soon as I left CSUN, it would be a repeat of my high school experiences. Of course, my CSUN friends are essentially church life friends, so the bond of God would keep us together. I don't think they would forget who I am so much as we would just lose contact over time. Hopefully this feeling will change as the year progresses, but I do need to be prepared to leave it all behind once law school starts.

Why do I bring up the CSUN friends? I do not intend to be negative at all. As a matter of fact, I was just thinking about how my best friends are still the Kanadian Koture Kids from high school. Even after two and a quarter years of college, my best friends are friend who I haven't gone to school with since 2007. It is truly amazing to me that after all these years, it is like nothing had ever changed. When we are together, it doesn't feel like we've all gone away to different colleges. I'm thinking about doing a road trip next year. Strangely, it isn't my CSUN friends who are the first people in my mind. It's the guys who I haven't seen regularly, but still have a strong bond of friendship with. Hopefully this strong bond of friendship can set a template that this year will build between me and my CSUN friends.

Whatever Happened to the Moderate?

I have been doing a lot of thinking about the Occupy Wall Street movement (which has since become an Occupy [insert place here] movement). The more I think about it, the more I become scared for this country. Not because I have anything against Occupy Wall Street. On the contrary actually. For a man who considers himself a conservative, I actually find the intentions of Occupy Wall Street admirable. What I fear for in this country is the death of moderate; I fear of this country being pushed to the fringes and extremism on both sides.

Now what on earth do I mean by that? Well, I think it is an inarguable fact that the Tea Party has pushed the Republican Party far more right-wing than it has ever been. I agree with the Tea Party's ideals too of limited government, but any chances of a Newt Gingrich-style Republican Congress that worked with a Democratic President died when the Tea Party gained momentum. Most elements of centrism within the Republican Party has died. All middle ground in Washington is dead.

Why do I bring up that comparison with the Republican Party? Because it's going to be the Democrats by the end of 2012. All negotiations are off the table.The Occupy Wall Street movement will force the Democrats to the left. While Occupy Wall Street is not as leftist as the Tea Party is right (I do not see OWS advocating a Communist revolution; the Tea Party is essentially advocating a Libertarian revolution), I find it impossible for the Democrats to appease the Occupy Wall Streeters without losing their centrist ways.

Ok. So the Democrats move left. Why do I fear for the United States? Well, if the Republicans move to the far right and the Democrats move to the left, where does that leave the moderates? If Washington tries to appease the Occupy Wall Streeters, then that will have the Tea Party up in arms. If Washington tries to appease the Tea Party, Occupy Wall Street could become Occupy Congress. The country is essentially forced to choose between the extremes of right or left. There is no room for moderation and mediation. Its one or the other. The United States is put into a situation where it is left v. right. We see each other as Democrats or Republicans. Not Americans. That's a very dangerous situation.

Right now America is convulsing. We are in the most troubled times since the 1960s. Our economy is floundering (namely because of this lack of moderation). It is important to keep in mind the next couple of years that we are Americans, not divide ourselves by left or right. As Lincoln himself said, "A house divided itself cannot stand." In order to attack the issues of the next decade and recover our economy, we need to be the United States, not the Red v. Blue States.

Well I already failed at my consistent blogging. (I would type an "lol" at this point, but I find such acronyms highly unprofessional in a blog where the standard conduct of English is to be maintained.)

Simply put, nothing is really going on my life the past few days. Yes, I attended home meetings the past two days. Saw a dear brother, Kenny, get baptized. That was special. I hope my brother gets baptized soon. I really do feel like he is missing out on the riches of the Lord.

Also had work today. Nothing special about that.

There's playoff baseball going on, but the only shocker was the game 1 shutout of the Rangers by a player (Matt Moore) making his second start.

So yea...Sorry my life lately has been an abyss of tedium. Maybe I'll find something to talk about soon.